The Daily Kegger

Schaefer Deserves to Retire

2006-02-26T21:29:00.000-05:00

I'm sure you've all read about Willie Don's funny little comment to the hottie aide.

I laughed too. I chalked it up to, well, there he goes again.

Of course, I'd read that her father (by the way, her name is Elizabeth Krum, and she is 24) was really pissed off: "It's all fun and games until it's your own daughter." His comments gave me pause, but, still, it's just Willie Don being his silly old self.

Then I learned this: William Donald Schaefer, the octagonerian who humiliated a talented young lady last week decided to also insult her father: "What he's trying to do is get his name in the press," Schaefer claimed.

Huh?

Ok. Now I'm pissed. Willy? I don't care what the fuck you did for ole Bawlmer back in the 80s. The Inner Harbor is great. Thanks. We made you Governor for that. That's long since gone. We don't owe you a thought. If anything, you owe us your consideration for keeping you in the public realm, in spite of your idiotic pronouncements and actions.

I say now: Go The Fuck Home. You've deigned to insult the father of a young girl you've already insulted? Lord, how I miss the days of chivalry and duels. How simple it would be for him to pop your tired, stupid little head. Too bad we can't see that sight.

A fellow by the name of Peter Franchot is running against you for Comptroller this year. I can't say I'm a huge fan of the guy. Way too left-wacky for me. But you know what? I'll take wacky over "I'm Owed This Office Crazy" anyday.

Tomorrow, I'm sending a $100 check to Mr Franchot. And I'm gonna do whatever it takes to make sure that Mr. Schaefer is sent off on his overdue, good, long, retirement.

Are you pissed off by this, Mr. Schaefer? You have turned into a horrible little man. Thank you for all that you have done. It was all good stuff, years and years ago. But, now, go home. Take a nap. Best of all, leave us alone.

Sincerely,

The Citizens of Maryland

This Whole Port Thing Only Tells Me That Everybody is an Idiot

2006-02-24T21:01:00.000-05:00

Seriously - who isn't an idiot in this whole UAE - ports management takeover controversy?

Please, disabuse me of my notions - tell me who is not being a complete and utter bumbecile:

- The Republicans? Fuggedaboudit! I heard our Boy-Governor Little Bobby going on and on and on about it with Ronaldo Smith and ex-felon Sgt. Eddie Norris (though, seriously, I do love Ron Smith. He would be a fun, fun lunch). Good Lawd, you'd think they'd sold Fort McHenry to the Canadians. Does it surprise anyone that Little Bobby is up for re-election in November? Run, Bobby, run! But don't be an idiot.

- The Democrats? Exhibit #1 - Baltimore's own rock star mayor, Martin O'Mayor. Even up to today, he was characterizing this as a foreign (Arab! Run away!!!) takeover of our ports. Huh? They are gonna load and unload big boxes of crap off of boats. In fact, the unloaders will continue to be ridiculously overpaid American union-carded stevedores. Go back to your little Irish Rock band, Mayor O'Martin. If you really wanna complain, argue about the $125 large that these boys make!

- The Press? Tell you the truth, I was almost an Idiot when I first saw The Bawlmer Sun's headline, sumptin about "UAE to Buy Port of Baltimore". Yikes! That did send a shiver through my skivvies! As late as today, the venerable Yahoo.com had a headline spouting "UAE to Slow Bid to Purchase US Ports". I know earnings per share is important, folks, but did you have to fire all the fact checkers? At no point was anyone gonna buy any ports. All - chill.

- The President? "I will veto any attempt to stop this." "Don't cross me." "I swear to God I will." "Actually, I didn't know about this until I saw it on Meet the Press." "Still, I will veto you!" "Hey, Andy - how do we do a veto?" "Uhm, Karl, Stink Blossom, Sweetie...can you fix this...ag'in?"

- The Congress? Pick a side of the aisle, I will show you an Idiot. Republicans? I give you - Frist and Hastert. Democrats? Please stand up, Ms. Stained Blue Dress and fellow wackos. Why didn't you screech your fearful call when the Chinese took over the operation of most of our ports? Bitch-slap to you, m'lady!

- The War on Terror? "You are either with us or against us!" Hmm. Two of them helped to bring down the towers. Their government still contributes to terrorist organizations. They help to root out terrorists in their country. They contributed to the first Gulf War. Black or White? Good or Evil? Gray, perhaps? You decide.

- Mr. Chertoff? So, DHS was part of the decision-making process, but you (too!) didn't know about this until, what, Tim Russert? Too busy planning for the next hurricane season, I'll venture.

- Treasury Secretary Snow? Actually, he's no idiot here. He's the genius. He made sure this happened quietly, below the radar, faster than the law allows, in fact. A true man of business. He will be gone before the year is out, mark my words. Good man.

- The American Public? For years, Chinese, Taiwanese, British, Flemish, Japanese, and Danish (among others) have owned the companies that do what Dubai Port World has proposed to do. What's different? They are all not Arabic, not Islamic. We fear these people. We fear their skin. We fear their religion.

Don't lie to me. Don't tell me I'm wrong. When a Chinese dude sits next to you on an airplane, what do you think? Maybe he'll bore me with his doctoral thesis? When an Arabic-looking guy sits next to you, what do you think?

Don't lie to me. I think the same thing.

And it's silly. It's ridiculous. I, too, am an idiot.

As with China, what better chance do we have to move these folks to our world view than to include them in our world?

This is a good deal and a smart one. And anyone who disagrees is, clearly, a bumbecile.

Let's also learn from this that the world is not dichotomous. Nothing is as easy as Black or White, Good or Evil. This administration has tried to teach us (and nearly succeeded) that this is so. Of course, they were wrong.

And now they shall reap what they have sowed.

Who Does Soriano Think He Is?

2006-02-24T20:50:00.000-05:00

I don't get this. The Washington Nat's (my favorite NL team, BTW) want Alfonso Soriano to move from 2nd base to the outfield. After all, you can't move Jose Vidro, the guy who belongs there.

So what does Soriano do? He refuses. REFUSES! Won't move! Won't play! Is gonna stay at 2nd!

Huh?

I can see the first game - Alfonso and Jose playing three feet apart from each other in the infield, fighting for every ball grounded to second, wrestling in the dirt, trying to pry the ball away, to be the one to make the throw to first.

Actually, that would be pretty entertaining.

Let me tell you this - Ted Williams would never have allowed that to happen, head or no head.

The Girls Do Snowboard Cross!

2006-02-17T22:31:00.000-05:00

Next time, let's say they do it topless, eh?

Is This Where Schaefer Jumps the Shark?

2006-02-17T21:46:00.000-05:00

Oops.

Willy Don has gotten away with so much over the years. Maybe that's what 40 years of really good and fun public service will getcha.

But, maybe, this is the last sweet little ass he's stared down?

Perhaps this is the best argument I've yet heard: If she was your daughter, how would you feel?
Go home and have a scotch or three, Willy Don. You've done enough good around here.

Did You Check Out Snowboard Cross Last Night?

2006-02-17T13:10:00.000-05:00

Damn, but that looks like fun.

I need to brush up on my boarding.

The First Day of Spring...

2006-02-16T09:06:00.000-05:00

...Training, that is. Believe it or not, pitchers and catchers report today at Chain of Lakes Park down in sunny Winter Haven, even as these mounds snow continue to melt around me.

Here's what I'll be watching for as the 2006 edition of the Tribe takes shape:

1. How will the rotation hold up? Last year's 5-man crew each started at least 30 games. That is remarkable, and surely won't be repeated. Can Shapiro's latest reclamation projections hope to match last year's? How will the youngsters perform when they are undoubtedly called upon to fill some holes?

2. How much production can we expect from Left Field? Coco was not spectacular, but he was solid. Jason Michaels has never played full time. How will he do? From an offensive perspective, you can't waste this position

3. How will the bullpen hold up? The 2005 Indians had perhaps the most underrated bullpen in the league. Old Man Wickman pitched out of his ass. He's now 37. Can he do it again? And how will the pen perform in getting to Wicky in the first place, with Howry off to the Cubs? Again, can Shapiro's success at reclamation projects be repeated here?

4. Can Wedge get this team out of the gate quicker? Just think - if the Tribe had played .500 ball in April of last year, we would still be basking in the glow of a playoff appearance. They've stumbled badly the last 2 Aprils. What will Wedgie do to get the offensive production ramped up more quickly this year?

These guys won 93 games last year. My prediction for 2006: 88 wins, second in the AL Central, and at least 5 games out of the wild card.

Sorry, but the pitching just won't be strong enough.

24 is Getting a Little Bit Out There

2006-02-16T08:06:00.000-05:00

I still think it's one of the best shows on television, but, seriously - how does Jack manage to cover so much ground in one hour?

This really cool new site actually maps his movements, nearly to the minute. Check it out if you want to waste some time.

And where does he get all those helicopters?

A Modern-Day Fiefdom

2006-02-15T14:31:00.000-05:00

Some interesting facts about Kenedy County, TX (semi-ironic name, no?). Apparently, it's maintained by the government as a playground for the well-heeled and well-connected.

Nice, to see tax dollars put to such use.

Also makes it understandable why no one pushed Cheney for a breathalyzer test (just to keep the record clear that there was no drinking involved, since, you know, Dick has been know to kinda like his sauce, and questions might get asked, so it would be a good idea to have some proof otherwise) when it mattered, as in, immediately after the hunting accident.

Has any asked this, yet: If you or I accidentally shot a man, then didn't report it to the local authorities until, oh, the next morning, would we be in some type of hot water?

Jus' wonderin.....

My Favorite Line So Far

2006-02-15T13:59:00.000-05:00

From Letterman:

"We can't get Bin Laden, but we nailed a 78-year-old attorney."

Making a Mountain Out of a Quail Covey?

2006-02-15T13:04:00.000-05:00

Not much to add to this debate, aside from my incredulousness at the blame that many are attempting to pin on the media for "blowing this out of proportion."

First of all, I'm not really sure that this has been blown out of proportion. Let's not forget - the Vice President, however accidentally, SHOT A MAN.

Can you imagine the howling that would have come from the Limbaughs and Hannitys and O'Reillys if Al Gore had done such a thing? Or what if Kerry had shot some guy during that infamous hunting photo op in Ohio during last year's campaign? Can't you hear the lambasting?

So, no, this is no tempest in a teapot.

And, if anyone is to blame for the general reaction, it is Dark Lord Cheney himself. Hell, even his old friends argue that he "made it a much bigger issue than it needed to be."

When will folks in the public eye ever realize that straighforward, prompt explanations and expressions of regret can work wonders with the American public? We are a profoundly generous society, willing to give the benefit of the doubt and another chance.

But here's the rub of it all - I doubt that Cheney even cares what the American public thinks. Old Reagan hand Marlin Fitzwater (man, I loved his performance in Finding Nemo) says that the Veep "ignored his responsibility to the American people."

That's why this has struck such a chord with so many - because it encapsulates Cheney's (and this administration's) overarching view of their leadership: WE know best. WE will determine what you should and shouldn't know. WE will tell you what you need to hear - WHEN we think you should hear it.

It borders on criminal arrogance.

Winter Strikes Back

2006-02-12T20:29:00.000-05:00

Yes - my daffodils were peeping 4 inches high a few days ago. The phlox had some blooms. The cherry in the back was peppered with pink flowers.

Not today. Today, nearly 18 inches of snow showered over it, and covered it all with a soft white blanket, and our family of cardinals sought refuge in our feeder. Thankfully, I filled all of our feeders yesterday, and the birds (dozens and dozens, of all species) have found us today. Bless them.

The hills behind us are a rolling wonderland, the sledding promising screams and shouts and laughter for later today and tomorrow.

I spent about 2 hours shoveling this morning, after it stopped falling, at around ten (our church was closed, the highways were closed, everything was closed). Thankfully, a neighbor with a snowblower came and helped, and I was able to focus on the end of the driveway: the plows had yet to visit us, so I figured, if I could clear the street, my driveway was in no danger of being plowed in. Damn, but my shoulders ached.

My iPod blared. My legs burned. It was time to come in.

We made hot cocoa from scratch, topped it with a tipple of Bailey's, sparked up the fireplace, turned on our favorite get-ready-for-spring film (Field of Dreams - pitchers and catchers report this week!), and relaxed, rested, and napped for a moment or too.

By afternoon, a gorgeous stew was in the pot - spice-dusted chunks of round, stewed tomatoes, spices, a ton and a half of onions, half a bottle of cab (big, fat, scary cab), a quarter cup of hoisin sauce (ah - there's the secret - ask me for the full recipe!). Mmm. The place smelled great.

It needed to bubble for at least two more hours. So we had time to go sledding.

The is this hill a short hike from our home, a great hill, a trail in the warmer months, next to a ridge full of wildflower and clover, a ridge that is an empty canvas in winter. You can take a sled from just behind our house, down this trail, jump the trail over this ridge, and coast through what will be a blooming meadow in the spring.

We did this for two hours. We were surrounded by all the neighborhood kids, who shared their (better) sleds with us, and laughed and jumped and pushed us along.

After a while, wore out, tired, I lay back in the snow. The cold seeped through my ski pants, my red fleece coat. The sun was dipping low in the sky. The fading rays grazed across the field of snow, the windswept ridges glowed orange and yellow and red and purple, the wind swept wildly over the our sled tracks. I looked up into the deep deep blue, and I fell in love again with the world.

The stew was ready on the stove. I prepared my grandma's old Slovenian reciped for spaetzle (after a call to her for advice, of course. Are you all OK, she asked? Dick Goddard says you're getting a lot of snow?) We opened up another bottle of cab (or was it a syrah?), cranked up the fire, and found the right mix on iTunes.

Outside, a new mix of cardinals and jays and sparrows and mourning doves shouted and clattered and argued and then found that their dinner was waiting.

Cheney Shoots an Old White Dude! They're Not Endangered, Are They?

2006-02-12T20:06:00.000-05:00

Yikes!

It reminds me of the old saw: Guns don't kill people - Vice Presidents do.

After said Vice Presidents are done outing, conferring, pressuring, and eavesdropping, I'll guess.

Too bad that old Dick didn't make those pellets self-inflict.

Ahhh...the Powers of a Dark Lord.

One Sign That You Really Got Hammered by That Snowstorm

2006-02-12T19:25:00.000-05:00

Well, for one, the Sun didn't arrive until 5 pm.

Damn. It usually takes me till Weds to read that thing. Now it won't be until Friday!

How the DHS is Running the INS

2006-02-11T07:44:00.000-05:00

So, how is the Dept of Homeland Security doing in running the Immigration and Naturalization Service.

Hmm, well, about as effectively as it runs FEMA.

(Bush had it right when he opposed creating this massive beauracratic boondoggle in the first place. Too bad that he ineffectually and unfortunately bowed down to his political masters.)

Immigration policy is clearly a linchpin to our national security.

And yet, we learn that:
In December Congress speedily passed special immigration legislation to benefit just one person: an ice dancer. As a Canadian, she couldn't join the 2006 U.S. Olympics team. But a law was written that lasted exactly two days, long enough for her to be fast-tracked for citizenship and sent to compete for the United States.

Hmm, well. We would like to win 30-odd medals over the next fortnight in Turin, no?

Of course, there's also the fact that:
...the U.S. immigration system had denied entry to Teresa, a 14-year-old African girl who has been stranded as a refugee in Guinea almost all her life. She is trying to join her adoptive mother, Momara, a refugee from Sierra Leone who was granted asylum in the United States. But in this girl's case, there is no fast track, only the rigid application of a procedural rule.

Can she skate? Run really fast?

No? Too bad.

What an embarassment.

Checking in on the State of Conservatism

2006-02-11T07:31:00.000-05:00

They held their annual Conservative Political Action Conference this week.

So let's see what the party of limited governmental power is up to, shall we.

"The conservative movement has a healthy skepticism of governmental power, but at times, unfortunately, that healthy skepticism needs to yield." - Viet Dinh, coauthor of the Patriot Act.

Huh?

Bob Barr, impeachnik of the nineties, rightly argued "Do we truly remain a society that believes that . . . every president must abide by the law of this country? I, as a conservative, say yes. I hope you as conservatives say yes...Are we in danger of putting allegiance to party ahead of allegiance to principle?"

Of course, he was booed loudly and then bitch-slapped by Dark Lord Cheney. One guy in the hall complained, "I can't believe I'm in a conservative hall listening to him say [Bush] is off course trying to defend the United States."

That's the problem, buddy. We have become so enamored of the power we hold that we are willing to sacrifice our principals.

That happens when movements are approaching their end.

I think I'm on the verge becoming a Bobby Barr fan.

Team USA Enters the Arena

2006-02-10T22:32:00.000-05:00

God love the stories - Bode, and the Flying Tomato, and, my fave, Kimmie.

(Here's my over/under on how many Olympic chicks Bode will nail: 13. Leave your bets in the comments section. Seriously.)

Let's go, troops!

On the Cavs

2006-02-10T22:30:00.000-05:00

You can't do better than Terry Pluto's latest comments.

But you can't help but ask - what could Mike Fratello do with this team?

This Music Rocks!

2006-02-10T22:23:00.000-05:00

But, seriously, why are the Romanians entering to 1980s American disco music?

Huh?

Today Was Bonus Day

2006-02-10T22:16:00.000-05:00

We handed out the checks today. We were handed the checks today. It was a big, big year.

We repaired to the local Irish pub for a few celebratory pints, for 2005 was a great year.

2006? Appearing to be, well, not so much.

I came home, we went out for a nice, nice dinner, and are now sipping on a saved bottle of wine, a 92 French Cab that my dad gave to me when I graduated, back in the day.

It's wonderful. I will sip one more glass, then repair upstairs, for a good sleep.

I have a big day of hiking ahead of me, though we'll see what the snow will bring.

We have been blessed, and we will make sure that we share these blessings.

LUXEMBOURG!

2006-02-10T22:09:00.000-05:00

They have a very hot 17 year old flag bearer.

Does she ski?

Live Blogging on the Olympic Opening Ceremonies

2006-02-10T21:56:00.000-05:00

My simple minded comments:

- Has Jim Lampley turned into a member of the Gotti family? I am a HUGE fan of pinstripes - but SHEESH!
- Re: Bob Costas and Brian Williams standing next to each other - Is Bob 5 feet tall? Is Brian 7 feet tall? Hmmmm....
- By law, must the designers of the opening cerermony be on heroin? Cocaine? Opium? Truly - Lewis Carroll would have loved this shit.
- Truly, is this what de Coubertin was thinking of?

Naked Fish Now on Tap at DuClaw

2006-02-10T12:51:00.000-05:00

So I was out with my boys last night, sampling the latest seasonal offering from the local neighborhood brewpub.

Last night was the release party for Naked Fish, a perfect winter brew. It's a rich, chocolatey stout, pleasantly roasty and toasty. The surprise, though is in the finish: a hint of sweetness and a gentle reminder of raspberries. Ever so subtle.

If you're local, go try a pint or three.

About Those Olympic Ideals

2006-02-10T12:46:00.000-05:00

Speaking of the true spirit of the Games, I really enjoyed this profile of US snowboarder Shaun White.

Money quote: "I'm gonna get some babes."

It's great to see a 19-year old with his priorities in order.

Surprise! Mike Brown Blames Others!

2006-02-10T12:43:00.000-05:00

I really do wish they would put this guy in front of a Senate committee at least once every couple of weeks.

He is THAT entertaining.

Prepare for the White Death!

2006-02-10T08:29:00.000-05:00

Yikes! Two to four inches in the forecast for Baltimore!

Guaranteed to generate hyperactive news reports, overblown winter storm warnings, and a run on toilet paper at the local Giant!

I HATE the iPod Era

2006-02-08T22:04:00.000-05:00

You know that post, just down there? Disregard it. Ignore it. Delete it. Flush it into the ether. We (I?) aren't yet ready for the digital age.

Why? you ask.

You know that extra hard drive I bought, to keep all my music on? (Scroll down and read about it, AJ Hawk-loving newbies!) It arrived today. I saw that package when I came home from work and danced and sang like a schoolgirl.

I popped open the PC cabinet, found the right place to slide in that disk drive - it was tight, but if you know how to work it, it fits. (I know, it sounds dirty, but it's not - at least not yet). I plugged in the right plugs, pushed in the right wires, slapped the cover back on and was good to go! Bring on my many megabytes of Bono and Beck and Buffett. No?

No?

I pushed the ON button. And the screen churned and churned and churned. My stomach jumped into my lungs. Then, the fateful message: "No operating system detected."

FUCK! Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK!

That was three hours ago.

Since then, I've tried to remove the new drive and return to the simpler, lovely days of old, the days of a single hard drive (no dice - still, no operating system. Huh? Where the fuck did it go? It was just here! I didn't delete it! Who did, you bastard?)

I've tried to reinstall the Seagate "new disk install" software. No dice. It nicely recognizes both the old and new drives (thanks for nothing, bucko!). Then, it falls down again on its "no operating system" sword. Eat me, Seagate! Eat me eat me eat me eat me!

I'm sorry, but now I'm pissed.

So, here I am, beaten, disheveled, a little dusty, a little sweaty, and diving into a sixer of Dogfish Head Indian Brown Ale (and a finer brown ale ye shall not find!). (I bet you were waiting for a beer reference. You were. Don't lie to me.)

And you know what I'm gonna have to do in the morning? Call up that freaking Geek Squad at Best Buy and have them send over one of their pimply faced geniuses to rescue my stupid ass from itself.

Any other brilliant ideas? Hey - if any of you live near Forest Hill, MD (truly, it IS the Land of Pleasant Living!) and know how to fix this bastard, hit me back.

Here's the deal - I'll buy you a sixer of Dogfish. Your choice. Hell, I'll even drink one (or three) with ya!

Just - please - anyone! - help me! Help ! Heeellllllllllllllllpp.................

Learning to Love the iPod Era

2006-02-08T10:47:00.000-05:00

I am now a citizen of the digital music world. I've got my iPod. I've ripped all my CDs onto my hard drive - in fact, I bought a new hard drive dedicated SOLELY to storing all my music!

And, last weekend, I finally started perusing around the iTunes music store. Well, two hours and thirty bucks later, I am as hooked as a crack whore.

A few revelations ocurred to me as I downloaded Dar William's top 10 playlist::

- I doubt that I will ever again buy a CD. What's the point? Even the best CDs have no more that 5 or 6 tracks worth owning. Take Beck, for example. I love Beck. I have religiously purchased every new CD, the week it comes out ($15.99, anyone?) But even on as great an album as Guero, there are two or three or four tracks that I tend to skip right past. Hey, Beck - next album? I'll download half of it for five bucks and call it a day.

- This is absolutely the way to manage music. Why bother ripped from a CD onto my PC? Eliminate the middle man.

- The record company (or any company, for that matter, as I doubt a record company will ever make the intellectual leap) that figures out how to truly harness this method of distribution is going to make a killing - and earn many, many customers for life.

An article in today's WaPo speaks to all of this. Bottom line: in spite of the huge numbers of singles being sold online, the industry is still struggling to grow the dollars.

Money quote: "Record companies would tell me, 'We're not going to put a single out, because it's really the only great song on the album,' " says Billboard's Mayfield.

Well, then maybe that's the problem you need to fix, buddy boy.

Or the fact that CDs are overpriced themselves, eh?

Damn, but I love how the free market works.

My Neighbor is Skating in the Olympics

2006-02-07T21:49:00.000-05:00

Yeah, yeah...I know. The Olympics has become this huge, oversized, commercialized parody of what it once was. Cities are raped, go into crazy debt, and, as Kip notes, fail to learn that to host the Olympics is not necessarily a good thing. (Take note, Mr. O'Malley.)

But, above all that, making all of the economic and political agruments irrelevant, there is this: my neighbor will skate in the Olympics.

She is today only 16 years old, and, ever since I've known her, I've know that she ice skates. I've known that she would drive up to the University of Delaware nearly every day to practice (from the 'burbs north of Baltimore). I've known that she was a good student, a good kid, popular, with lots of friends, plays outside, is an athlete, is the kind of kid you want to populate your neighborhood.

But I never realized that she was THAT good. Until we watched her in the US championships a few weeks ago. Maybe she was a dark horse, I never really thought about it. She was always just that kid down the street who was a really good skater, not to mention a sophomore at Fallston High (yeah, Cougars!).

But she was that good. She ended up finishing second to Sasha Cohen (Michelle Kwan got the cheap bid.)

And she will fly to Turin tomorrow, along with her brother and parents. And she does represent the ideal of the Olympic spirit. In spite of the craziness that has now come to surround the game, there is still a purity to it that remains true to its ideals.

Kimmie Meissner has been skating since she was 6, and she has spent the last several years training up in Delaware, and she signed autographs last week at our local pizza joint to help raise money for her family to travel to watch her skate in Italy, and she is my neighbor, and in spite of all the commercialization and the crazy dollars and the tasteless, crassless, materialism that has surrounded The Games, the ideal remains.

So let us park our cynicism for the next few weeks or so. Let us revel in the Games' athletes, in the work they have done, and in the ideals they embody.

Go, Kimmie. Do us, and yourself, and these ideals, proud.

Now THIS Is Synergy!

2006-02-07T20:33:00.000-05:00

What do you get when you cross a Star Wars nerd with someone who appreciates good, ironic Islamist satire?

Today's Waste of Eighty Two Seconds

2006-02-07T20:29:00.000-05:00

Ever wonder where they came up with those wonderfully lyrical spam names?

Know you know.

FYI - my alias is:

Bloodline L. Ileum

More Google Bashing

2006-02-07T20:14:00.000-05:00

Did you know that Google routinely filters its (your?) search results, apparently in order to comply with the US Digital Millenium Copyrights Act?

Yikes.

Via Boing Boing, try to search on Google for:

olly hits snake

Scroll down all the way to the bottom of the page, where you'll read the text "In response to a complaint we received under the US Digital Millennium Copyright Act, we have removed 2 result(s) from this page. If you wish, you may read the DMCA complaint that caused the removal(s) at ChillingEffects.org."

At least Google is telling us when they are censoring. As far as I know, AOL, Yahoo, et.al. are much less transparent.

Apparently, it all stemmed from The Church of Scientology trying to force Google to filter out websites critical of the Church whenever someone searched on, say, crazy scientology wacko nutjobs.

Scary.

The Hot Stove Heats Up

2006-02-07T08:45:00.000-05:00

With that ugly Super Bowl gratefully in the rear view mirror, the baseball hot stove is getting warmer.

Believe it or not, pitchers and catchers will report to Spring Training even before Bode Miller has a chance to get a good buzz on.

As usual, Terry Pluto has the best overview I've yet seen. Scroll down for some great analysis on where the Indians sit as they prepare to head down to Winter Haven.

"We Are Addicted to Oil"

2006-02-03T08:04:00.000-05:00

Hmmm.

So Dubya, Tuesday, SOTU (you catch it?), stated that we (i.e. HE) would reduce our intake of "Middle East oil" by some big ol' number by, what 2010? I don't know - I wasn't taking notes. And the TiVo was on South Park.

Anyway, interesting.

He stated (stronger than implied) that certain alternative energy measures (switch grass, anyone?) would make up for our current dependence upon oil from the MidEast. (And I don't mean Harrisburg, PA.)

But does he realize that most of our oil imports come from Canada?

And does he know that Canada'a oil is more expensive than the oil from anywhere else? And that the cheapest oil is from the Middle East?

So, if we are to reduce the amount of imported oil, based upon cost per gallon, the cuts will come from the Evil Canadians. From a market perspective, the Middle East would be the last to go.
No? Am I wrong here?

Either Dubya has wasted many years (of losing his Daddy's money) in the oil industry and at Harvard Business School (also losing his Daddy's money) and failed to understand the basics of that industry, or, sadly, he knows that what he is claiming isn't true, but he says it, nonetheless, because it tested well in a focus group.

Look - I am all for reducing our dependence on horrible nations that just so happen to sit on a mounds of decomposing dinosaur bones. But if we are gonna get away from suckling upon the teats of said dead dino bones, well, then lets not lie about it, eh?

Today's Gratuitous Swipe at Teddy Kennedy

2006-02-02T20:53:00.000-05:00

"Goddamn, but I wish that kind of man-titty hair would sprout on my head.

And, while you're there, crack me a Silver Bullet, too, wouldja?"

Punxsutawny Phil is a Big Phat Phurry Lying Phucking Bastard!

2006-02-02T20:41:00.000-05:00

Six more weeks of winter? What the phuk have you been eating, you phat phuk? Hell no, to winter, and to you, I say! Hell no!
Spring training starts in two weeks, you imbecilic rodent! Wake the phuk up!

And you tell your philthy, stove-top-pipe-hatted phriend to GET A PHREAKING LIFE. And STOP chugging Yuenglings at 6am every PHUCKING Phebruary 2.

Alito Makes His Mark

2006-02-02T15:44:00.000-05:00

Hmmm. Hours after being sworn in, new SCOTUS Justice Alito split with his conservative colleagues and upheld a Missouri stay of execution.

Are those Ms O'Connor's bloomers I see peeking out from under your robe, Samuel?

How is Jerome Bettis Just Like Saddam Hussein?

2006-02-02T15:39:00.000-05:00

I bet you were waiting for some Steeler's joke punchline, right?

Nope. A true fact (as opposed to most everything else you'll read here):

Jerome Bettis, Detroit native, was given the key to the city yesterday. The last guy they gave a key to?

None other than the Butcher of Baghdad.

Kinda makes me wanna root for the Seahawks.

The Maturation of LeBron

2006-02-02T15:35:00.000-05:00

Even from afar, LeBron James grows more impressive each week. As Bill Livingston writes in today's Pee Dee, what I find most impressive is his ability to see the game several steps ahead of everyone else.

As LeBron said, "I know Jason Kidd's game. If he saw me running at him, he was going to slow down and try to get fouled."

Put all the physical and skill attributes and superlatives aside - this kids simply thinks the game better than anyone else.

I Loves Me Some Super Bowl Advertisements

2006-02-02T15:29:00.000-05:00

The only thing better than the ads we'll see on Sunday are...the ads we won't see.

The President Opposes Man-on-Dog Love!

2006-02-01T17:10:00.000-05:00

Aside from the whole "switch grass" comment, I'd have to say the most bizarre part of last night's SOTU address was the condemnation of man-animal DNA mixing, or some such.

I didn't realize that this was such an issue.

Then again, what would you expect from an administration that is pretty much scientifically illiterate?

Calling Dr. Moreau!

The Return of the Thirty Year Bond!

2006-02-01T15:41:00.000-05:00

No, it's not a bad horror sequel. Just another quiet admission of failure for this administration's profligate fiscal policy.

How I long for the good old days of divided government!

Great Insight on the Coco Crisp Trade

2006-02-01T14:36:00.000-05:00

Jim Banks at MLB.com has probably the best analysis I've yet read on the recent trades of Coco Crisp and the rest. If you're a baseball fan, read it. It makes me a little more optimistic.

Money quote:

The Indians are not the Red Sox or the Yankees, and they can't play the
game the same way. If you want to root for a team that can keep everyone and buy
everything else, then I'm sure the Red Sox or Yankees would love to have
you. But that's no fun. That's easy. What's fun is watching the Indians
outsmart those guys, and when they win the World Series, you'll know that
they'll have earned it by having made better trades, developing better players
and spending their money more wisely. In the end, it'll all be worth it. But to
get there, you've got to do what Shapiro just did.

The best GM in baseball, you ask me.

Listen to Me: Rent "The Aristocrats"

2006-01-31T21:47:00.000-05:00

My God - did George W. Bush just blaspheme OIL??? OMG!!! Kenny Lay just fell off his barstool. Easy there, Kenny Boy.

Did he just say "wood chips and switchgrass?" Is this the State of the Union or an S&M convention?

While I'm getting deep into this Maker's, allow me to recommend to you the DVD "The Aristocrats". I'm sure you've heard of it: a 90-minute documentary about a filthy, dirty, disgusting joke.

Prepare to feel violated. And to laugh really, really hard.

The real punchline is that the joke itself is not very funny. The compelling story is the sociological history and underpinnings to the telling of the joke itself. In all, a fascinating look into the closed world of comedy.

Big Ben Goes Crazy

2006-01-31T21:41:00.000-05:00

As much as I hate the Steelers, I am a big fan of Ben Roethlisberger. But, Ben, be careful dude.

If you don't pace yourself, you could end up just like Kyle Orton.

Coco Crisp to Boston

2006-01-31T21:23:00.000-05:00

Much has been said, and I will defer to Mark Shapiro's record in judging talent.

But I can't help but be concerned about what this trade does to the Tribe's lineup for the 2006 campaign. Yes, there is now a stud, Andy Marte, in the pipeline at third base for next year (or the year after). But what does Michaels do as an everyday outfielder? Will he replace Crisps's .300 (or better) in 2006?

And what of Rhode's absence from a premier bullpen? I liek Mota, but how fragile is he?

And, good Lord, but don't you hate to see Jimmy Thome in a White Sox uniform?

The Perjury of Alberto Gonzales

2006-01-31T20:57:00.000-05:00

Why is no one fired up that the Attorney General of the United States committed perjury during his Senate confirmation hearings ('cept for me and Russ Feingold, of course):

During his hearings, Gonzales called warrantless wiretapping "a hypothetical situation".

Per the WaPo, "At the hearing, Feingold asked Gonzales where the president's authority ends and whether Gonzales believed the president could, for example, act in contravention of existing criminal laws and spy on U.S. citizens without a warrant. Gonzales said that it was impossible to answer such a hypothetical question but that it was "not the policy or the agenda of this president" to authorize actions that conflict with existing law. He added that he would hope to alert Congress if the president ever chose to authorize warrantless surveillance, according to a transcript of the hearing."

All of which Gonzales was well aware.

Liar, liar, pants on fire.

Tonight's Official Rules

2006-01-31T20:47:00.000-05:00

Well, I don't know about you, but I'm carbo-loading in preparation for a long night of tossing back long, deep swigs of Maker's Mark on the rocks.

The excuse, er, reason? Why, the State of the Union, of course. And, finally, the rules for playing have been codified!

To wit:

Every time he says.... ....# of Drinks

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad 2 (+1 if he pronounces it correctly)

“(Prime Minister) (Ariel) Sharon” 1 shot of Manischewitz

"Jack Abramoff" one sip of the drink belonging to the person next to you

"fiscal discipline" laugh out loud, then drink

Fill em up, my friends!

Chewbacca Finally Gets Noticed

2006-01-31T20:33:00.000-05:00

I always thought that Chewbacca got the rawest deal of all the characters from the original Star Wars Trilogy. He tended to be written out of the more dramatic scenes, he never did find a love interest, and, quite frankly, he was never given the best lines.

But, finally, now, it seems that he has found his voice.

All Democracy is Good - Redux

2006-01-31T20:30:00.000-05:00

I won't rehash George Will's typically brilliant, contrarian take in today's Washington Post, except to copy a couple of quotes:

"The beginnings of reform and democracy in the Palestinian territories are now showing the power of freedom to break old patterns of violence and failure."
-- George W. Bush
State of the Union, 2005

"The effect of liberty to individuals is, that they may do what they please; we ought to see what it will please them to do, before we risk congratulations."
-- Edmund Burke

Old Ed Burke was a good egg.

Google is Evil, and AOL Blasphemes!

2006-01-31T20:23:00.000-05:00

The Fundies have got their undies all in a bunch over AOL's new "I AM" instant messaging marketing campaign. It seems that "I AM" is the direct English translation of Yawheh, the ancient name for God. Yes, those catechism classes are all coming back to me now.

These folks are very, very incensed at using God's name in a marketing campaign.

I'm sure they were also against Target, Wal-Mart, and other retailers using "Christmas" instead of "Happy Holidays" for their December sales promos.

Lord, I loves me some hypocrites!

A Big Hilll to Climb

2006-01-31T20:18:00.000-05:00

Yikes!
Well, we have misunderestimated him before.

Martek Stock Surges

2006-01-31T16:40:00.000-05:00

Too bad I sold all my shares last week.

Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop snorting kerosene.

A Google Addendum

2006-01-26T22:20:00.000-05:00

I must make note of this with respect to the previous post:

Google's mission statement is "Don't be Evil."

Sorry, Sergei. But your complicity with the Chinese censors has proven you, too, to be a liar.

Perhaps, one day, Chinese freedom fighters will chant, "Google is Evil."

These Clowns Sure Are Persistent

2006-01-26T22:10:00.000-05:00

For anyone who might give the Bush administration the benefit of the doubt over warrantless eavesdropping by the NSA - after all, they are only listening in on people talking to bad people, right? - how about this:

THE FEDS RECENTLY ASKED FOR A WEEKS WORTH OF GOOGLE SEARCHES BY EVERYONE - EVERYONE!

And by that, I mean EVERYONE!

Was this front page news someplace? Sure wasn't in Baltimore, home of the supposedly liberal Sun.

Thankfully, Google refused the subpeona.

Did you search Google at all last week? Are you comfortable with the government sifting through any searches you may have made? How about seven weeks ago? Ten? How about all of them? Forever? Is this the type of government you want - that seeks to look at everything you are searching for on Google in the deepest, darkest 3am's of your life?

That is the kind of power this administration seeks. And that's why they scare me. They should scare more people.

T-Shirt of the Day

2006-01-26T22:07:00.000-05:00

This big ol' boy was walking toward me on the concourse of the Cincy airport. His shirt was white with black print, and it read, "Mess with Me, Mess with my Trailer Park".

I don't doubt it.

Ah, lovely Cincinnati.

Mike DeWine Was Ahead of His Time

2006-01-26T21:41:00.000-05:00

Did anyone notice that the junior Senator from Ohio, nearly four years ago, proposed legislation loosening the rules in the 1978 FISA act? In sum, his revision would

"...amend the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act of 1978 to modify the
standard of proof for issuance of orders regarding non-United States persons
from probable cause to reasonable suspicion ..."

From probable cause to reasonable suspicion? That sounds like a nice, reasonable, LEGAL way to give our government the tools to keep us safe, no? I think little Mikey had a pretty good idea there.

Hmmm, so, why did the Bush administration respond thusly?:

"This [Patriot Act] modification has allowed us to make full and effective use
of FISA's pre-existing emergency provisions to ensure that the government acts
swiftly to respond to terrorist threats."

Bottom line: We don't need this! The current law is cool! We can live with it! Besides, we ARE the law!

Hmmph, well.

These people are either (you choose): Congenital Liars or Unrepentant Psychopaths.

I report, you decide.

Democracy is on the Move in Iraq

2006-01-26T21:34:00.000-05:00

From their new Constitution:

The freedom of communication, and mail, telegraphic, electronic, and telephonic
correspondence, and other correspondence shall be guaranteed and may not be
monitored, wiretapped or disclosed except for legal and security necessity and
by a judicial decision.

Hey! What a COOL idea! Maybe we could have that some day, too!

The Senate SOTC Hearings Are a Waste of Time

2006-01-26T21:27:00.000-05:00

Let us put aside for a moment the fact that the Democratic members of the Senate Judiciary Committee acquitted themselves embarrassingly last week. Ted the Swimmer did nothing more than confirm expectations that he would be little more than a bloviating pile of gelatinous lard. But the others went above and beyond my expectations of self-important self-aggrandizement and idiocy.

Hey - Joe Biden? Shut your lousy pie-hole already!

Pat Leahy? You are nothing more than a helium-filled wrinkled old garment bag. Go home and eat some cheese or something. Please - choke on half a wheel of aged white cheddar. And keep your gassy old trap shut.

But what has really ticked me off is the fact that the Senate is now in the process of wasting a full week of time “debating” the Alito nomination. This guy deserves to be confirmed. He is capable and competent (unlike so many that this same Senate has deigned to confirm with little or no debate). There is no “debate” about that. I may not love the guy or his stands on specific issues or where I think he might move the Court, but the President has the right to name him, and there is no good reason to not confirm him.

(I am especially fired up by those who worry he will “move the court to the right”. Huh? Of course he will, you jackasses. He was named by a – supposedly - conservative president. He has a long track record of leaning to the right. You want to get folks on the court to move it in the other direction? I have an idea - win a few freaking elections.)

And HE WILL be confirmed. Everyone knows that. It is inevitable. And yet, still, the Democrats will waste a full week of the Senate’s time to blast their big words and little ideas out into the ether. One full week wasted and not working on The People’s Business.

I don’t care how crooked, incompetent, unethical, immoral, and simply buggy the Republicans get. As long as they get to run against these bumbeciles, they will win.

I Am Easily Amazed

2006-01-26T21:21:00.000-05:00

The General Public (henceforth, the GP) continually amazes me. I am again on the road today, this time a one-dayer to Cincinnati and back. Hauling down I-95 again this morning (7 am this time – I got to sleep in! Yay!), a woman to the right of me rolls her window partway down to throw out a napkin.

Huh?

What kind of moron just throws their crap out the window, to blow around among the flotsam and jetsam of the highway? I hope this woman has no children, as she is clearly unfit to be a mother. I glared at her as I passed. I’m sure she had no idea why. To her, I was just some jerk in a silver Volvo.

Then there was the woman next to me in line at the tunnel, obliviously puffing away on her cancer sticks, windows rolled up tight. I’m sure that the three (three!) tikes strapped into car seats in the back were enjoying their daily commute of carbon monoxide, atomized tar, and sundry other carcinogens. Who wants to bet that they show up at preschool every morning smelling like they just stumbled out of a bar? Or that they’ll all be unrepentant puffers before they can legally drive?

And how about the clown in front of me going through security at BWI? (Note: two days in the security line – two clowns about whom to blog! Truly – traveling provides one with countless fun bogging opportunities!) Here we are, 2006, nearly five (FIVE!) years after 9/11 and all the air travel changes that wrought. And yet, this clown waits until it is his turn to walk through the detector before he decides to check and empty his pockets (pants, shirt, coat) of any and all things metallic.

Buddy – we’ve been standing in this line for 10 minutes, staring at a dozen signs telling us (via cute little cartoon images, so don’t use your illiteracy as an excuse, you dolt) what to do to MAKE THIS LINE MOVE FASTER.) And you wait until now?

You are a clown. And your penance shall be to go forth and FLY NO MORE!

Democracy Is Good – Even When the Bad Guys Win

2006-01-26T21:14:00.000-05:00

The blogosphere is rampant with pontificating on what happens when the Bad Guys win. In Iraq, for example, the secular factions (“our” guys) were dealt an overwhelming defeat in December’s elections. The more Islamic fundamentalist, Iran-aligned groups took big majorities, portending a future Iraq ruled as a Sharia-inspired democratic theocracy. Most likely, that wasn’t what the Neocons intended pre-invasion.

And now we have Hamas. They shocked even themselves by winning a large majority in yesterday’s Palestinian elections. The vote was a clear repudiation of the cronyism, corruption, and incompetence of the Palestinian Authority of the last many years (hmm….sounds like the modern-day Republican party). Clearly, the Palestinian people understand the fundamentals of representative democracy: they voted with their feet. Again, when President Bush speaks of the spread of democracy, “freedom on the march”, I’m not so sure a Hamas win was what he had in mind.

So, then, is democracy bad when the Bad Guys win? Many Bush-haters have argued as much, using these examples as a club with which to bludgeon the administration’s foreign policy.

But I will have nothing of it. While I do take some pleasure in watching the Bushies squirm a bit in the face of these results, I argue strenuously that all such representative democracy is a good thing – no matter who wins.

Why? Because, now, the winners are accountable. The must figure out how to make it work.

The winning Iraqi factions must figure out how to bring stability to that wreck of a country – not through an increased foreign occupying force, but internally – both through strengthened home-grown security forces and the underestimated power of political persuasion. No longer will they have the excuse that “the Americans are screwing this up.” It’s theirs. They own it. They own fixing it (which actually is kind of convenient, since we were the ones who broke it. Perhaps Colin Powell’s “Pottery Barn Doctrine” doesn’t really apply). And, as politicians, they realize that if they don’t, they will face an angry and disappointed constituency the next time around.

The same with Hamas. They are today a terrorist organization. But will they be in three or five years? Not if they, too, wish to remain in the political majority. A legislature – whether in Columbus or Annapolis or the West Bank or Baghdad - is, above all, held accountable for making the trains run on time. That’s hard to do if your party – or folks aligned with your party – is perceived to be blowing up said trains. The accountability of representative democracy will force Hamas to abandon their violent ways and adopt more traditional democratic tactics – doling out favors, positions, funds, and getting things done (calling Jack Abramoff!). They will be held accountable by the Palestinian voters for a secure and stable society. They will have to actually govern.

And the political market forces may just help to turn them from Bad Guys to Good.

Kris Benson to the Orioles

2006-01-25T21:13:00.000-05:00

But even more important than that - his wife is coming with him:

She's a charmer too. You should read what the National Organization of Women has to say about her.

I'm sure her parents are very, very proud.

Editorializing in the Security Line

2006-01-25T20:35:00.000-05:00

So I'm minding my own bidness, standing in security, at about 4:30 this AM (damn, it makes my head hurt to even recall it - seems like, oh, about 16 hours ago). In front of me, Billy Joe Jim Bob is clearly disgusted with the whole process - the line, the nice Pakistani lady checking boarding passes and IDs, the TSA lackeys in their winter uniform maroon sweaters, with the dark blue epaulets (quite dashing).

He makes sure we all know just how disgusted he is, as he mutters on, intending us all to hear: "Gawdamn terrorists guarding this place...wonder they haven't hit us again...f-ing lines...stupid whatever and whatever..."

Even in the haze of a ridiculously early morning, this dude reminded me of that great old joke:

What do assholes and opinions have in common?
Everyone's got one.

Who the Hell is on the Road at 4 AM?

2006-01-25T20:33:00.000-05:00

Besides me, that is.

I mean, at least I had an excuse - a 5:50 AM flight from BWI down to Charlotte for a few days work. What were all those other ya-hoos down at such an ungodly hour barreling south down I-95?

Yikes, but 4 AM is dark.

Tapping the, umm, Wire

2006-01-24T20:57:00.000-05:00

The Rude Pundit has a, uhm, well, uh, typically rude take on the whole NSA kerfuffle.

Rude, yes, and guffaw-generating.

Adults only, Puh-Leeze!

Interesting Waste of Two Minutes

2006-01-24T20:37:00.000-05:00

Kinda cool.

HT: Baseball Crank

Another Perspective on The Big 3 Automakers

2006-01-24T19:59:00.000-05:00

You'll enjoy The Uncouth Sloth's analysis of the current state of American auto manufacturing.

I did.

These Religious Types Give Me the Willies

2006-01-24T16:19:00.000-05:00

Now, I'm a pretty religious guy myself, and no fan of abortion.

But when I hear a fellow Christian spouting off like this, "It has been told by the prophets in the land that there is a president coming out of Texas, a Burning Bush,' (the Rev. James) Nesbit prayed (at this week's March for Life in D.C.). 'He will deal with abortion in the land. We ask you to give him an executive order and mantle him and give him a mandate with the fear of the Lord."....

...well, it just gives me the willies. Seriously - this guy claiming that God is somehow annointing political figures here on earth is not so far removed from the Iranian mullahs claiming that the Lord looks with favor upon those who kill the wicked infidels.

Disney to Buy Pixar?

2006-01-24T14:59:00.000-05:00

I'm well into James Stewart's fascinating review the Disney Corporation through the Eisner years, Disney War. In fact, I'm just at the point where the relationship between Eisner and Steve Jobs, founder and CEO of Pixar, is totally breaking down. In fact, Jobs ended up personally loathing Eisner, stating that he wouldn't sign another contract with Disney as long as Eisner was CEO.

Which makes today's news (Disney is close to buying Pixar) kinda interesting - to me, at least.

Of course, Eisner is gone. His replacement, Bob Iger (who doesn't come off entirely well in the book, though better than his boss) tried to keep their relationship together from day one. So I guess it's no surprise that Jobs would do a deal with him.

What did surprise me is that the deal would put Jobs on the Disney board. If anyone fares the worst in the book, it would have to be the Disney Board. They were weak, vacillating, totally cowed by Eisner's threats, and unmoved to act in the face of year upon year of missed targets and poor results by the company's leadership. The Board seemed a cozy, steady-as-she goes group of non-boat rockers.

(Of course, most of that board is gone, aside from Gary Wilson, who I'm sure doens't trade Valentine's cards with Mr. Stewart, the author, and George Mitchell, who comes across as the new guy hoping to be all buddy-buddy with everyone - demeaning himself in the process.)

Mr. Jobs' in-your-face, nontraditional, break-it-if-it-ain't broke ethic will be interesting to observe.

Terps Lose McCray for the Season

2006-01-24T09:51:00.000-05:00

Ugh. What a moron.

Nice to see that his mom took such an interest in how he was doing in his classes. Or, not.

NIT, here we come!

Supreme Court Rejects Blackberry Appeal

2006-01-23T14:43:00.000-05:00

AAArrrggghhhh!!

Noooooooooooooooooooo........................

The Media Machinations of Bode Miller

2006-01-23T11:47:00.000-05:00

Per Howard Kurtz (and others), the recent media infatuation with Bode Miller is an example of how much the press loves a controversy-generating bad boy.

Actually, I see it more as an example of how the press uses someone to generate a controversy, build it up, and then exploit it to sell more copies.

In this case, they took Miller's comment about skiing drunk (he had been parting all night after winning the world championship) and turned it into the entire story: "Hey - this Olympian skiis wasted! What kind of message does that send? Yadda yadda yadda."

A single, lighthearted, offhand comment. A single story. A single instance. They way the media has been playing it, you'd think this guy throws back a fifth of gin at the top of every run.

The press loves a controversy. They over-cover it to build it up and attract more eyeballs. And this is simply another such case.

Ford's Latest Restructuring

2006-01-23T11:40:00.000-05:00

Another significant sign of the decline of the modern industrial welfare state.

This also struck me as interesting:

Ford said Monday it would no longer provide earnings guidance beginning in
2006. "We must be guided by our long-term goals of building our brands,
satisfying customers, developing strong products, accelerating innovation, and,
most importantly, producing a sustainable profit from our automotive business,"
the CEO said.
Allow me to translate the corporatese into plain English:

"Long term goals of building our brands" = Don't expect us to make any money for the foreseeable future.

Indians to Deal Coco Crisp to Boston?

2006-01-23T11:24:00.000-05:00

The Pee Dee has the latest on the impending trade with the BoSox. While it would hurt to lose perhaps the great baseball name in Cleveland history (seriously - give me a better name that Coco Crisp), I've got to give Shaprio the benefit of the doubt. If he says that this Marte kid is one of the best 10 prospects in all of baseball, I'll believe him.

I am concerned what this does in the short term, though. Clearly, the resukt will be a net loss in offensive pop for the 2006 season. That sure won't help us catch Chicago.

Best Buy Will Rule the World

2006-01-23T08:53:00.000-05:00

And here's why: I went in to buy a simple USB cable (for a new HP printer - which didn't come with its own cable - which I didn't realize until I was in the middle of hooking up the damn thing - which I think sucks, on HP's part) for 25 or 30 buckets, and I walked out half an hour later after dropping about 120 bucks.

The USB cable was $30. Then there was that stack-out of TurboTax (which I needed anyway) for $40. Plus a new mouse pad. And then there was that new game for the new super-fast PC.

Suddenly, $100 was gone - just like that.

Ted Kennedy Has a Bad Week

2006-01-20T22:33:00.000-05:00

First, his love child rises to the top of the froth. What's cool is that he has his own myspace site, just like all the crazy kids these days. Frankly, I think he looks a lot like his uncle, aside from the pieces of foreheard scattered around Dealey Plaza, no?

Second, it looks like Uncle Teddy is finally getting into the publishing biz. Like all my creative writing teachers preached from day one: write what you know:

Cheers! I'm gonna freshen up my Makers Mark on the rocks right now....

Dow Plunges More Than 200 Points!

2006-01-20T22:15:00.000-05:00

Thank God I sold all my GE and Citi last week!

Still, it looks like I picked the wrong week to stop drinking whiskey.

The Cleveland Brown's Defensive Line...

2006-01-20T22:05:00.000-05:00

...is going to the AFC Championship Game!! Woohoo!!!

Well, uhm, the line of 2004, last year. The line that, well, sucked, as we all said. And rationalized. And explained away.

Of course, this year, they are playing for the Broncos. I remember when they signed nearly the whole lot of them last year, and their coach, too, and I laughed at their idiocy. Remember - they were, what, the third worst defensive line last year? They who gave up so many rushing yards each game (didn't Jamal Lewis send them each a TAG watch for Christmas?) Clearly, Shanahan was making a huge mistake. Hmmm.

But, now, they are playing for a trip to the Super Bowl.

Maybe it is time we stop blaming a poor line? Especially when that line turns out to be nearly good enough to play in the Super Bowl.

Terry Pluto is the Greatest Sports Columnist in the World

2006-01-20T21:44:00.000-05:00

When you read through Bob Ryan's column, below, you get a pretty strong sense of how he, among others in the business, views Terry Pluto: he is among The Best.

For those of you outside of NE Ohio, Terry is a longtime sports columnist for the Akron-Beacon Journal, one of the great smaller papers of our day.

Simply put, Terry is one of the finest local sports columnists writing in this country today. He has contacts and connections that rival anyone.

More than anything, he has a moral compass second to no one. His work never takes shots, never degrades, never takes the easy road to making a point. He is a classy, simple, and brilliant writer.

Simple is his essence - and not in that way that "simple" can be denigrating - but rather that he can capture a feeling, a scene, a presence, in a few, everyday, conversational words. He does not write with a flowery flourish, like the Damon Runyons of our day. He does not try to make every other sentence an ironic observation, like Bud Shaw. He does not try to turn baseball into brain surgery, like Gammons was wont today in his last free days.

No. Terry just writes. He writes like you and I talk. He writes of conversations that you and I could have but are not privy to, though in a way that makes us feel as if we are. He writes as we might, if we were there, and if we could.

But we can't, as he can. And that is why you should read him. And sign up for his weekly newsletter. It will be the most insightful thing you recieve in your inbox each week.

Albert Belle and the Hall of Fame

2006-01-20T21:23:00.000-05:00

Bob Ryan, at the Boston Globe, had a great column on Albert recently, his statistics, his career, and his chances for the the Hall. It's a great look at the balance between the career and the person.

The Big Question: can the Career overcome The Person?

In Albert's case, I've long argued that no, it can't. He was brilliant, but not for long enough. Another two or three huge years , then, yes, he'd be on the bubble, if not in. Another five? A definite.

Look - I followed his career from his first suspensions at AAA Colorado Springs (and who out there can tell me how long it's been since the Tribe has had a farm team in Colorado Springs?). I remember watching his crazy strong stroke first make its way to the end of the E 9th St Pier, down at the old Municipal Stadium. All those games he could dominate and suddenly take over once the Jake rose brilliantly above those slum parking lots. In 1995, was there a better ball player in the world than Albert Belle, when it came down to simply hitting a baseball in order to win a game?

There was no better, not in my life, not in what I've seen with my own two eyes.

But the Hall of Fame? No. My own personal Hall of Fame of Guys I've Seen Play Myself, yes, definitely, yes. But Cooperstown, no. Sadly, no, for I have always been a fan of Albert Belle, the Ballplayer.

His productive period didn't last long enough, especially when you take into account how many voters he totally alienated. His body of work, though great, wasn't great enough to obviate the personal offenses.

Tonite's Menu - Very Beefy!

2006-01-20T21:09:00.000-05:00

So tonight was our night to host the monthly dinner party. We had expected a wintry Friday eve, not tonight's sultry and 60 degree weather, so the menu had called for a classic pot roast with rich gravy, over noodles. We stuck with it, fine weather be damned.

The beef was seared early this morning, on all sides. Onions and celery and carrots were carmelized. All then was thrown into the Crock-pot, along with some nice Cab, a twig or three of rosemary (still lush in my garden), enough garlic to choke an armadillo, a handful of peppercorns, a can of beef broth (seriously - who makes their own broth? hello? hello?), and a half stick of butter (most forget that last one).

Let me be the first to say that the CrockPot can be used to produce many awful, awful dishes. But this is not one of them. There is no cream of mushroom soup here, no sour cream, no cream cheese. This, my friends, is a beautiful winter dish. And a long, slow heat helps make it.

The Pot is set on low and cooks all day. I arrive home after a couple or three happy hour beers with the buds, and the place smells like yummy. Mmmm. I steam some broccoli, toss it with olive oil and another five pounds of garlic for a side. The noodles are boiled to just south of al dente.

The guests arrive. The corks fly, the many martinis are made very, very dirty. The roast splits with a fork, simply melts apart, is spooned into bowls with a gorgeous sauce, over buttery noodles.

Yum. Welcome, Winter, in all your 60 degree splendiferous glory.

Statistics, Damn Statistics, and Lies - Again

2006-01-18T15:55:00.000-05:00

Robert Sameulsen has some fascinating tidbits from the newest edition of Historical Statistics of the United States.

What really struck me was how much, in many cases, the conventional wisdom is simply wrong in the face of the facts (Steve Levitt's terrific Freakonomics does much the same thing, in highly readable fashion).

To wit:

The CW states that urban sprawl is rapidly laying waste to our farms and to the forests and countrysides that surround us.
The Reality is that, from 1945 to 1997, the amount of croplands and forests has actually increased; urban areas today account for less than 3 percent of our total acreage

The CW states that we are an increasingly secular culture, turning our backs on organized religion
The Reality is that, in 1984 60% of all Americans belonged to an organized church. Compare that to 34% in 1890. Of course, it is down slightly from 64% in 1970, but the authors believe the 1994 number is understated by the growing movement of store-front evangelical churches, most likely missed in the study.

The lesson here: don't trust the CW unless they come bearing facts.

Better Tap Bob Ney's Phones - Quick!

2006-01-18T10:18:00.000-05:00

Did you realize that Bobby Bribe was fluent in Farsi? (I'm a sucker for alliteration.)

What a renaissance man!

Someone - alert the NSA! Who knows who he's talking to on the other end?!

How is the Congress Just Like Rick's Cafe?

2006-01-18T10:09:00.000-05:00

This whole Jack Abhramoff kerfuffle reminds me of that great scene in Casablanca: "I'm shocked! Shocked to find that gambling is going on in here!"

All those formerly feed-bagged Congressman now stepping gingerly away from the trough - all the while commenting on what a despicable - DISPICABLE! - trough it is!

Much the same, no?

Roberts Court Upholds Oregon Suicide Law

2006-01-18T09:42:00.000-05:00

Some much for dreams of a Conservative court.

Of course, it all depends on what your definition of "conservative" really is.

If your definition includes abrogating states rights and imposing a theocratic rule of law, well, then I've got to imagine you're pretty disappointed.

If, however, conservatism to you means allowing the states self-determination and keeping the federal bureaucracy's nose out of extremely personal, private affairs, then this must at least give you some hope for the future.

Selling Panic Closes Tokyo Stock Exchange

2006-01-18T09:39:00.000-05:00

YIKES!

Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.

Apparently, I Am a Widely Regarded Expert

2006-01-15T11:57:00.000-05:00

This gave me a chuckle.

Google "AJ Hawk's Girlfriend". The boys in Mountain View have ordained yours truly as the primo expert on the topic. Shows what one offhand comment made during the Fiesta Bowl halftime can get do for a guy.

I am easily amused.

Big Government as the Root Cause of the Abramoff Scandals

2006-01-14T21:36:00.000-05:00

Many, including Professor Bainbridge, have ridiculously argued that "Big Government is the root cause of the Jack Abramoff influence peddling scandal."

Uhm, but, no. Big Government is not the root cause. If the Federal government were half the size, such a scandal still would occur. Of course it would. It's not about the size of government.

It's about power, and who holds it. And who wants to keep on holding it.

The Republicans have held it all since 2000, and they have gone above and beyond to hold it. That, my friends, is the root cause - the desire to hold and grow power.

The same thing happened to the Democrats when their Congressional hegemony came crashing down in the early Nineties, and Dan Rostenkowski and Cleveland's own Mary Rose Oakar and all the rest were swept out (of course, many of them did nothing more than take advantage of the Congressional mailing program - they stole a lot of stamps, in effect).

Here's the root cause, my friends: concentrated Government, as in, when one party controls it all. When the Dems had it all, they did bad things in order to keep it. When the Repubs have had it all? They are doing bad things in order to keep it.

Let me now praise the virtues of divided government. The years under Clinton gave us many great advancements: welfare reform, fiscal discipline and a balanced budget, a tremendous growth in military spending. Would a Democratic President have done all these without the contrary influence of a Republican Congress? Of course not.

An opposing legislature forces the executive to bend, to compromise across the aisle, to work to get a deal done, to move to the center, to avoid overreaching.

When we have a divided government, good things happen. Or, at least, bad things are prevented from happening. Centrism is forced upon both parties. That is why I will not align myself with either party. In Maryland, we need more Republicans as a check against the historic Democratic majority. (In fact, this latest Wal-Mart health care travesty has completely convinced me of this necessity.) At the Federal level, we need more Democrats in Congress to counterbalance an executive gone wild with power-hunger.

Clinton was made a better President by a Republican Congress. A Democratic Congress would have done the same for President Bush.

Sadly, it is too late.

Wal-Mart Should Run the Medicare Drug Plan

2006-01-13T22:17:00.000-05:00

I didn't realize that the Republicans were so infatuated with Government-funded job creation programs.

But they just expanded the Medicare drug program call center. It was 150 folks. It's now 4,500 folks. That is a, hmm, I don't know, a 10x or more increase?

Yikes! Maybe they all live in Ted Stevens' district.

And I guess this is what they mean about "states rights":

California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger ordered an emergency plan Thursday
allowing the state to pay for the drugs for the next two weeks. The state
will temporarily supply seniors and the disabled with "lifesaving medications
they are in danger of losing because of significant problems with the new
federal Medicare prescription drug program," Schwarzenegger said in a
statement.

DNA Proves VA Execution Not Innocent

2006-01-13T22:02:00.000-05:00

You have to give credit to outgoing VA Gov Mark Warner. Here is a guy positioning himself to run for President in 2008, a Democrat, pro-death penalty, from a strongly Red state.

And, yet, he pushed to test the DNA of a guy executed in 1992.

Why? He wanted to make sure that the truth was known.

After all, isn't our justice system about finding the truth? Even after the fact?

What had he to earn from this exercise? The way the results turned out, the topic will fade from the headlines. Had it turned the other way, he would be in the difficult position of arguing for the death penalty when the facts showed that his state had, in fact, executed an innocent man.

Thank God it didn't turn out that way.

I am fundamentally opposed to the death penalty based upon moral and religious beliefs (as I tell my pro-life, pro-death penalty, Fundie friends, "You don't get to choose which life to be pro about." That shuts them up pretty quick.)

Which only increases the respect I have for a pro-death penalty guy who seeks to find the truth. Gov. Warner is one Democrat I'll keep my eyes on.

Iraqi Palaces Looted After Handover

2006-01-13T21:58:00.000-05:00

Hmmmmmmmmmmm. So how about those nice Palaces in Tikrit?

Either:

1. We haven't learned a freaking thing since we broke up the place and took it over, or

2. The bumbeciles we are training to take over are, uhm, incompetent bumbeciles.

We report. You decide.

The Junkies Are Back in Baltimore!

2006-01-13T21:51:00.000-05:00

Sorry, but this is a local thing. All you loyal Ohio readers (both of you) can feel free to move along if you like.

Now that Howard has ascended to satellite, the Junkies have returned to Baltimore. Yee-ha!

This has been a good week. I think Lurch has been getting more sleep than usual, since he has been in great form. I loved the discussion of hot babysitters (yikes!) earlier, and the talk about taking care of the kids' fish had me rolling this morning.

Now, I find myself spinning between NPR and HFS during my morning commute. So, call me eclectic.

Welcome back, Junks. We missed ye'.

NASA's Stardust About to Meet Earth

2006-01-13T21:43:00.000-05:00

In amongst all the foolish stuff we debate, this is about to
happen:

NASA's Stardust mission return capsule will land Sunday, Jan. 15, at
approximately 2:12 a.m. Pacific time (3:12 a.m. Mountain time) on the Utah
Test
and Training Range. Stardust is completing a 2.88 billion mile
round-trip
odyssey to capture and return cometary and interstellar dust
particles to Earth.
What is cooler than that? I know I'm a nerd and all but, frankly, shit
like this makes me pretty proud of this nation and what it can
accomplish
Here's to the dirt!

Maryland Passes the Wal-Mart Health Care Bill - Millions Die!

2006-01-13T20:57:00.000-05:00

I had hoped to comment on this earlier, but the idiot Democrat bastards in the Maryland Statehouse went and overturned the Governor's veto of this law yesterday - before I had a chance to get to it.

(An aside - the MD Assembly meets for only 90 days each year, a refreshing little term, from mid-January to mid-March, and then they are done. Done. No more annoying, unnecessary laws. No more petulant politicking. No more hubris and ego and starched-shirts. It's kinda old fashioned and nice.)

First off, I personally don't care for Wal-Mart. I don't like to shop there. I much prefer the Target experience for my everyday sundries and fertilizer and clear Christmas lights and jump drives and bird food and stuff.

But that doesn't entitle the state government to legislate the level of benefits a corporation must provide to its employees. And that's what this law does.

Essentially, it requires all corporations employing more than 10,000 to provide at least 8% of their payroll expense in the form of health care benefits.

Of course, Wal-Mart is the only business in the state to meet that requirement.

The local papers and talk radio shows have been filled with folks venting their spleen over how Wal-Mart, a gazillion-dollar corporation, fails its employees. Of course, who roots for Wal-Mart, the killer of mom-and-pops, the defiler of environments, the exporter of jobs, the exploiter of workers?

So what motivated these Maryland lawmakers? Idealism? A sincere hope to stick it the greedy Man? A desire to help those who are underinsured? A chance to strike at big bad corporate America? Actually, none of the above.

Here's what motivated them: Giant Foods, Superfresh Groceries, and Safeway. Yup. Wal-Mart's competitors. Other big corporations. Multi-billion dollar, actually. Apparently, they figured they couldn't compete without the Statehouse taking a billyclub to a potential competitor's kneecaps. Nice.

This is a case of Democratic lawmakers finding corporate benefactors to help them hide their true disdain for a large, successful corporation. And win more contributions for the future.

And that truly is Wal-Mart's biggest sin: they have been successful. They are big, they sell billions of dollars of stuff, they make a lot of money. Surely, thet must be able to spend more for health benefits.

Huh? Wal-Mart's margins are just slightly higher than those of other mass merchants, most likely in the mid-single digits. They are judged by their shareholders on raising that number every quarter (which they haven't been so good at doing, lately). So when I hear folks talk about spending "excess profits" on health care, I realize I am listening to someone who has no idea what they're talking about.

Not only that, but they do provide health care benefits, well in excess of most other mass retailers (Target, Kohls, etc). In fact, an employee can get health coverage for as little as $11 a month. Does your employer offer a deal that good? Does anyone? Perhaps Wal-Mart should take over Medicare, eh?

But, of course, they don't subsidize health care to the levels commensurate with the local legacy grocers. Of course, they are all unionized. Their employees earn well more than the market can truly bear, and they have more generous health coverage than you and I.

Of course, they have to charge more for their stuff, too. Veggies, steaks, skinless chicken breasts, cans of Progresso, Gala apples, Paul Newman's Light Caesar dressing, honey ham - more, it all costs more.

Therein lies the rub: force increased costs upon Wal-Mart, so that I can then compete with them.

In essence, lower the bar for us all.

Sorry, but that won't cut it. That is antithetical to all that I know and understand about markets and human nature (at my tender age, at least). The market doesn't work that way. People don't behave that way.

From now on, I will avoid Giant, I will vote against those who voted to override this veto, I will vote for this Republican Governor (if only to help maintain a divided government in this very, very Blue state), and I will shop at Wal-Mart....uh, no...actually, I won't. I hate Wal-Mart. They suck. What they sell sucks. Their stores suck. In general, Wal-Mart sucks. I'll avoid them.

So I'll still shop at Target. I hope you will too.

Earthquake Strikes Cleveland!

2006-01-13T20:46:00.000-05:00

Yikes! Centered off the coast of Mentor, it hit 2.3 on the Richter scale. Don't worry, I called my folks, and they're okay.

It reminds of the last "big one" to hit NE Ohio. I was a junior or senior in high school, so this was around 1989 or so. It was either a Saturday or a winter school Monday holiday (Presidents' or MLK day) because I was getting dressed for a day of skiing (Boston Mills was my training ground back then - yee-haw!).

I was in my bedroom struggling into my LL Bean silk long johns when I noticed the TV on my dresser begin to dance about. A low rumble purred through the air. For five seconds, or ten, or two, the walls danced over so slightly back and forth, my mirror rocked, the shelves clattered a bit.

Then, silence. I called through the house: "What the heck was that?"

Turns out it was a 3.4.

Hell, 2.3 ain't nothing. Call me when you got more than that.

"Am I in Heaven?"

2006-01-12T14:10:00.000-05:00

No - you're at the Happy Chef.

Hajj Stampede Kills Hundreds

2006-01-12T13:54:00.000-05:00

Good Lord, don't these people know how to wait in line to use the Porta-John? It seems like, every time a big group of them decides to pilgrimmage someplace, folks end up dying.

That's a sign of a pretty screwy religion, you ask me.

Then again, they were commemorating an ancient stoning ritual. Pretty appropriate then, no?

I'd take a stampede over a stoning any day.

Is There Such a Thing as a Fictional Memoir?

2006-01-12T09:02:00.000-05:00

Yes, I know that everyone and their dog has already commented on The Smoking Gun's revelation that James Frey's memoir of drug- and booze-addled craziness and Criminality is, in large part, a work of fiction. But this dude claims to have run rampant over some of my old stomping grounds, so I figured I'd take my pass at it too.

A Million Little Pieces had been on my "to read" list (just after I finish James Stewart's fascinating Disney War, and Doris Goodwin's latest Lincoln epic).

But, no more. What had made it seem a compelling read (at least from the reviews I saw) was the fact that it was true - that this guy really did sink to such depths. When reality is better than stuff you can make up, that's a good read.

But, apparently, anyone CAN make this stuff up.

The novelist told Oprah, ""If I was gonna write a book that was true, and I was gonna write a book that was honest, then I was gonna have to write about myself in very, very negative ways."

Hmmm. Maybe, not so much.

NSA Spies on Baltimore Peace Group

2006-01-11T20:02:00.000-05:00

And they expect us to trust them to act without judicial review?

Maybe they had intelligence showing that their picnic balloons were inflated with Sarin?

Uh oh - it looks like they're back to using those black highlighters again.

Pat Robertson Pisses Off the Israelis

2006-01-11T19:54:00.000-05:00

Uh oh. What does Revelations say about this?

I predict some serious smiting.