Schaefer Deserves to Retire

I'm sure you've all read about Willie Don's funny little comment to the hottie aide.

I laughed too. I chalked it up to, well, there he goes again.

Of course, I'd read that her father (by the way, her name is Elizabeth Krum, and she is 24) was really pissed off: "It's all fun and games until it's your own daughter." His comments gave me pause, but, still, it's just Willie Don being his silly old self.

Then I learned this: William Donald Schaefer, the octagonerian who humiliated a talented young lady last week decided to also insult her father: "What he's trying to do is get his name in the press," Schaefer claimed.

Huh?

Ok. Now I'm pissed. Willy? I don't care what the fuck you did for ole Bawlmer back in the 80s. The Inner Harbor is great. Thanks. We made you Governor for that. That's long since gone. We don't owe you a thought. If anything, you owe us your consideration for keeping you in the public realm, in spite of your idiotic pronouncements and actions.

I say now: Go The Fuck Home. You've deigned to insult the father of a young girl you've already insulted? Lord, how I miss the days of chivalry and duels. How simple it would be for him to pop your tired, stupid little head. Too bad we can't see that sight.

A fellow by the name of Peter Franchot is running against you for Comptroller this year. I can't say I'm a huge fan of the guy. Way too left-wacky for me. But you know what? I'll take wacky over "I'm Owed This Office Crazy" anyday.

Tomorrow, I'm sending a $100 check to Mr Franchot. And I'm gonna do whatever it takes to make sure that Mr. Schaefer is sent off on his overdue, good, long, retirement.

Are you pissed off by this, Mr. Schaefer? You have turned into a horrible little man. Thank you for all that you have done. It was all good stuff, years and years ago. But, now, go home. Take a nap. Best of all, leave us alone.

Sincerely,

The Citizens of Maryland

This Whole Port Thing Only Tells Me That Everybody is an Idiot

Seriously - who isn't an idiot in this whole UAE - ports management takeover controversy?

Please, disabuse me of my notions - tell me who is not being a complete and utter bumbecile:

- The Republicans? Fuggedaboudit! I heard our Boy-Governor Little Bobby going on and on and on about it with Ronaldo Smith and ex-felon Sgt. Eddie Norris (though, seriously, I do love Ron Smith. He would be a fun, fun lunch). Good Lawd, you'd think they'd sold Fort McHenry to the Canadians. Does it surprise anyone that Little Bobby is up for re-election in November? Run, Bobby, run! But don't be an idiot.

- The Democrats? Exhibit #1 - Baltimore's own rock star mayor, Martin O'Mayor. Even up to today, he was characterizing this as a foreign (Arab! Run away!!!) takeover of our ports. Huh? They are gonna load and unload big boxes of crap off of boats. In fact, the unloaders will continue to be ridiculously overpaid American union-carded stevedores. Go back to your little Irish Rock band, Mayor O'Martin. If you really wanna complain, argue about the $125 large that these boys make!

- The Press? Tell you the truth, I was almost an Idiot when I first saw The Bawlmer Sun's headline, sumptin about "UAE to Buy Port of Baltimore". Yikes! That did send a shiver through my skivvies! As late as today, the venerable Yahoo.com had a headline spouting "UAE to Slow Bid to Purchase US Ports". I know earnings per share is important, folks, but did you have to fire all the fact checkers? At no point was anyone gonna buy any ports. All - chill.

- The President? "I will veto any attempt to stop this." "Don't cross me." "I swear to God I will." "Actually, I didn't know about this until I saw it on Meet the Press." "Still, I will veto you!" "Hey, Andy - how do we do a veto?" "Uhm, Karl, Stink Blossom, Sweetie...can you fix this...ag'in?"

- The Congress? Pick a side of the aisle, I will show you an Idiot. Republicans? I give you - Frist and Hastert. Democrats? Please stand up, Ms. Stained Blue Dress and fellow wackos. Why didn't you screech your fearful call when the Chinese took over the operation of most of our ports? Bitch-slap to you, m'lady!

- The War on Terror? "You are either with us or against us!" Hmm. Two of them helped to bring down the towers. Their government still contributes to terrorist organizations. They help to root out terrorists in their country. They contributed to the first Gulf War. Black or White? Good or Evil? Gray, perhaps? You decide.

- Mr. Chertoff? So, DHS was part of the decision-making process, but you (too!) didn't know about this until, what, Tim Russert? Too busy planning for the next hurricane season, I'll venture.

- Treasury Secretary Snow? Actually, he's no idiot here. He's the genius. He made sure this happened quietly, below the radar, faster than the law allows, in fact. A true man of business. He will be gone before the year is out, mark my words. Good man.

- The American Public? For years, Chinese, Taiwanese, British, Flemish, Japanese, and Danish (among others) have owned the companies that do what Dubai Port World has proposed to do. What's different? They are all not Arabic, not Islamic. We fear these people. We fear their skin. We fear their religion.

Don't lie to me. Don't tell me I'm wrong. When a Chinese dude sits next to you on an airplane, what do you think? Maybe he'll bore me with his doctoral thesis? When an Arabic-looking guy sits next to you, what do you think?

Don't lie to me. I think the same thing.

And it's silly. It's ridiculous. I, too, am an idiot.

As with China, what better chance do we have to move these folks to our world view than to include them in our world?

This is a good deal and a smart one. And anyone who disagrees is, clearly, a bumbecile.

Let's also learn from this that the world is not dichotomous. Nothing is as easy as Black or White, Good or Evil. This administration has tried to teach us (and nearly succeeded) that this is so. Of course, they were wrong.

And now they shall reap what they have sowed.

Who Does Soriano Think He Is?

I don't get this. The Washington Nat's (my favorite NL team, BTW) want Alfonso Soriano to move from 2nd base to the outfield. After all, you can't move Jose Vidro, the guy who belongs there.

So what does Soriano do? He refuses. REFUSES! Won't move! Won't play! Is gonna stay at 2nd!

Huh?

I can see the first game - Alfonso and Jose playing three feet apart from each other in the infield, fighting for every ball grounded to second, wrestling in the dirt, trying to pry the ball away, to be the one to make the throw to first.

Actually, that would be pretty entertaining.

Let me tell you this - Ted Williams would never have allowed that to happen, head or no head.

The Girls Do Snowboard Cross!

Next time, let's say they do it topless, eh?

Is This Where Schaefer Jumps the Shark?

Oops.

Willy Don has gotten away with so much over the years. Maybe that's what 40 years of really good and fun public service will getcha.

But, maybe, this is the last sweet little ass he's stared down?

Perhaps this is the best argument I've yet heard: If she was your daughter, how would you feel?
Go home and have a scotch or three, Willy Don. You've done enough good around here.

Did You Check Out Snowboard Cross Last Night?

Damn, but that looks like fun.

I need to brush up on my boarding.

The First Day of Spring...

...Training, that is. Believe it or not, pitchers and catchers report today at Chain of Lakes Park down in sunny Winter Haven, even as these mounds snow continue to melt around me.

Here's what I'll be watching for as the 2006 edition of the Tribe takes shape:

1. How will the rotation hold up? Last year's 5-man crew each started at least 30 games. That is remarkable, and surely won't be repeated. Can Shapiro's latest reclamation projections hope to match last year's? How will the youngsters perform when they are undoubtedly called upon to fill some holes?

2. How much production can we expect from Left Field? Coco was not spectacular, but he was solid. Jason Michaels has never played full time. How will he do? From an offensive perspective, you can't waste this position

3. How will the bullpen hold up? The 2005 Indians had perhaps the most underrated bullpen in the league. Old Man Wickman pitched out of his ass. He's now 37. Can he do it again? And how will the pen perform in getting to Wicky in the first place, with Howry off to the Cubs? Again, can Shapiro's success at reclamation projects be repeated here?

4. Can Wedge get this team out of the gate quicker? Just think - if the Tribe had played .500 ball in April of last year, we would still be basking in the glow of a playoff appearance. They've stumbled badly the last 2 Aprils. What will Wedgie do to get the offensive production ramped up more quickly this year?

These guys won 93 games last year. My prediction for 2006: 88 wins, second in the AL Central, and at least 5 games out of the wild card.

Sorry, but the pitching just won't be strong enough.

24 is Getting a Little Bit Out There

I still think it's one of the best shows on television, but, seriously - how does Jack manage to cover so much ground in one hour?

This really cool new site actually maps his movements, nearly to the minute. Check it out if you want to waste some time.

And where does he get all those helicopters?

A Modern-Day Fiefdom

Some interesting facts about Kenedy County, TX (semi-ironic name, no?). Apparently, it's maintained by the government as a playground for the well-heeled and well-connected.

Nice, to see tax dollars put to such use.

Also makes it understandable why no one pushed Cheney for a breathalyzer test (just to keep the record clear that there was no drinking involved, since, you know, Dick has been know to kinda like his sauce, and questions might get asked, so it would be a good idea to have some proof otherwise) when it mattered, as in, immediately after the hunting accident.

Has any asked this, yet: If you or I accidentally shot a man, then didn't report it to the local authorities until, oh, the next morning, would we be in some type of hot water?

Jus' wonderin.....

My Favorite Line So Far

From Letterman:

"We can't get Bin Laden, but we nailed a 78-year-old attorney."

Making a Mountain Out of a Quail Covey?

Not much to add to this debate, aside from my incredulousness at the blame that many are attempting to pin on the media for "blowing this out of proportion."

First of all, I'm not really sure that this has been blown out of proportion. Let's not forget - the Vice President, however accidentally, SHOT A MAN.

Can you imagine the howling that would have come from the Limbaughs and Hannitys and O'Reillys if Al Gore had done such a thing? Or what if Kerry had shot some guy during that infamous hunting photo op in Ohio during last year's campaign? Can't you hear the lambasting?

So, no, this is no tempest in a teapot.

And, if anyone is to blame for the general reaction, it is Dark Lord Cheney himself. Hell, even his old friends argue that he "made it a much bigger issue than it needed to be."

When will folks in the public eye ever realize that straighforward, prompt explanations and expressions of regret can work wonders with the American public? We are a profoundly generous society, willing to give the benefit of the doubt and another chance.

But here's the rub of it all - I doubt that Cheney even cares what the American public thinks. Old Reagan hand Marlin Fitzwater (man, I loved his performance in Finding Nemo) says that the Veep "ignored his responsibility to the American people."

That's why this has struck such a chord with so many - because it encapsulates Cheney's (and this administration's) overarching view of their leadership: WE know best. WE will determine what you should and shouldn't know. WE will tell you what you need to hear - WHEN we think you should hear it.

It borders on criminal arrogance.